fragile

You make me feel fragile.
you make me feel fragile.
you do.
and I can't do anything about it.

I can ignore you.
I can make myself unavailable.
I can make a conscious effort to decide to not be where you are.
But none of it matters.
Not even the slightest of the tiniest bit.
Because no matter what I do,
No matter what I tell myself,
You have an impact on me and my emotions.
And I can't control any of it.

I’m not scared. I’m scared.

I'm not scared of East Nashville in the middle of the night....actually, not in the middle, not at all, not the wee hours of the morning when all the drunks are driving home, not even the worst part of town where all the "undesireable people" we choose to ignore, live. I'm not scared of my own daily solitude, of time alone with my own thoughts. The danger doesn't really lie there. I'm scared of unending solitude...you know the "alone on a desert island" question. Yeah, NO, thanks...not even with my favorite book or music. I'm not scared of losing my family. I know they will always be in my heart. I'm scared of them thinking I don't care. I'm not scared of tap water, I'm scared of running out of water. I'm not scared of bill collectors, I'm scared of not having a roof over my head.

We all have so much to be scared of. Let's not let it be each other.

I love my family and friends, so very much. If I don't say it enough, I'm sorry. And this is my biggest fear of all.

xo
m