Wednesday, July 26, 2006


i spent all of last night waking up from a dream where i moved back to austin. sounds terrible right? moving back is something i have thought about off and on the entire 6 years i have lived here...but last night, very clearly in a dream, i realized it is not a possibility. i woke up crying twice and all because i missed my friends and dougie so much it made austin seem like a prison. strange how the mind works.

they say dreams are a playground, a way of working out problems, living your fantasies, dealing with your fears. i know some people who never remember their dreams, its a shame, because if they can't remember, how do they know the answers to the questions their subconscious poses?

Thursday, July 20, 2006

sultry Austin.

seriously, i don't mind a little perspiration. i don't mind the little glisten that arises on my skin on the walk from the house to the car. what i do mind is the several showers a day, the waste of water, not to mention the water bill at the end of the month. i have honestly become a total and complete wussy (yes, i said wussy). when i lived in texas, the summer heat in austin was palpable. it sunk into your dreams, your nightmares. the heat dictated your days. but, it was expected and little watering holes were the joy of my summer days.

nashville, on the other hand, has no such little holes. no 30 minute dripping wet hike through the hill country of south austin with the reward of a nice dip in finger lakes at the end of the trek. no barton springs, no lake austin. no, sir. what we have here is the muddy slow moving little rivers a la the harpeth. enjoyable, but nowhere near the nice, cool, clear water of austin.

would i change my location again? would i suffer the exaggeratedly hot days of texas summer just for a weekly dip in some cool spring fed water? maybe. maybe not.

so for now, if you see me walking around east nashville and then sitting in a kiddy pool in my front yard, don't wake me up...i am daydreaming of long summer days in austin. beautifully sultry austin.

Friday, July 7, 2006

I am one of those people.

after all these years, i have come to realize, i am one of those people:

-who cries openly: free of all inhibitions...if i am moved- sadness, happiness, goosebumps displayed fully to the world, i will cry.
-who loves animals: my animals are my people, my dog (who someone FINALLY told me today "she looks just like you, its something in the eyes"), my cat (who is staying at my dougie's house until a door is put on my new bedroom-different story), my fish (i never would have believed i could love fish, but here i am, in love with them and their very distinct personalities), my housemates's little dogs (lulu- who thinks she is my annabelle's sidekick- whom i love to watch explore the outdoors because she is so tiny in comparison to the world around her but who despite this, explores confidently and with vigor) and george (who idolizes little ollie but at the same time is concerned he may squash him)
-who cares for her friends so greatly i sometime cannot sleep at night worrying about their happiness... because, in turn, i am sure they do the same for me...
-who loves to laugh: snorting being my favorite (because if you make me snort, you are forever my friend), through tears (my second favorite...because i am an optimist, even when times are at the worst level of horrific, if you make me laugh through tears, you have uncovered the key to my being)
- who loves to be fantastically silly (ask anyone- i will dance a jig or make up a song just to make myself laugh hysterically...which i do quite, really. if you know me, you know this)
- who believes in love- for everyone (if you believe hard enough, it will land in your lap and you will wonder years later "how did i get here?"
-who believes good things happen to bad people for a while, but if you keep moving forward and keep growing it will get better...or at least it will be easier to distinguish the good from the truly bad and the pain from the growth.
-who believes in dreams and working on yourself and your goals even once you have achieved them...for only dreams keep us alive...

i am truly happy at this moment in time. mostly because i know that even if i am not exactly where i want to be, i can move myself forward with my own strength pushing me forward and my loved ones blowing backup in my sails.

cheese, i know. but that's me. take it or leave it.