i spent all of last night waking up from a dream where i moved back to austin. sounds terrible right? moving back is something i have thought about off and on the entire 6 years i have lived here...but last night, very clearly in a dream, i realized it is not a possibility. i woke up crying twice and all because i missed my friends and dougie so much it made austin seem like a prison. strange how the mind works.
they say dreams are a playground, a way of working out problems, living your fantasies, dealing with your fears. i know some people who never remember their dreams, its a shame, because if they can't remember, how do they know the answers to the questions their subconscious poses?
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
Thursday, July 20, 2006
sultry Austin.
seriously, i don't mind a little perspiration. i don't mind the little glisten that arises on my skin on the walk from the house to the car. what i do mind is the several showers a day, the waste of water, not to mention the water bill at the end of the month. i have honestly become a total and complete wussy (yes, i said wussy). when i lived in texas, the summer heat in austin was palpable. it sunk into your dreams, your nightmares. the heat dictated your days. but, it was expected and little watering holes were the joy of my summer days.
nashville, on the other hand, has no such little holes. no 30 minute dripping wet hike through the hill country of south austin with the reward of a nice dip in finger lakes at the end of the trek. no barton springs, no lake austin. no, sir. what we have here is the muddy slow moving little rivers a la the harpeth. enjoyable, but nowhere near the nice, cool, clear water of austin.
would i change my location again? would i suffer the exaggeratedly hot days of texas summer just for a weekly dip in some cool spring fed water? maybe. maybe not.
so for now, if you see me walking around east nashville and then sitting in a kiddy pool in my front yard, don't wake me up...i am daydreaming of long summer days in austin. beautifully sultry austin.
nashville, on the other hand, has no such little holes. no 30 minute dripping wet hike through the hill country of south austin with the reward of a nice dip in finger lakes at the end of the trek. no barton springs, no lake austin. no, sir. what we have here is the muddy slow moving little rivers a la the harpeth. enjoyable, but nowhere near the nice, cool, clear water of austin.
would i change my location again? would i suffer the exaggeratedly hot days of texas summer just for a weekly dip in some cool spring fed water? maybe. maybe not.
so for now, if you see me walking around east nashville and then sitting in a kiddy pool in my front yard, don't wake me up...i am daydreaming of long summer days in austin. beautifully sultry austin.
Friday, July 7, 2006
I am one of those people.
after all these years, i have come to realize, i am one of those people:
-who cries openly: free of all inhibitions...if i am moved- sadness, happiness, goosebumps displayed fully to the world, i will cry.
-who loves animals: my animals are my people, my dog (who someone FINALLY told me today "she looks just like you, its something in the eyes"), my cat (who is staying at my dougie's house until a door is put on my new bedroom-different story), my fish (i never would have believed i could love fish, but here i am, in love with them and their very distinct personalities), my housemates's little dogs (lulu- who thinks she is my annabelle's sidekick- whom i love to watch explore the outdoors because she is so tiny in comparison to the world around her but who despite this, explores confidently and with vigor) and george (who idolizes little ollie but at the same time is concerned he may squash him)
-who cares for her friends so greatly i sometime cannot sleep at night worrying about their happiness... because, in turn, i am sure they do the same for me...
-who loves to laugh: snorting being my favorite (because if you make me snort, you are forever my friend), through tears (my second favorite...because i am an optimist, even when times are at the worst level of horrific, if you make me laugh through tears, you have uncovered the key to my being)
- who loves to be fantastically silly (ask anyone- i will dance a jig or make up a song just to make myself laugh hysterically...which i do quite frequently..no, really. if you know me, you know this)
- who believes in love- for everyone (if you believe hard enough, it will land in your lap and you will wonder years later "how did i get here?"
-who believes good things happen to bad people for a while, but if you keep moving forward and keep growing it will get better...or at least it will be easier to distinguish the good from the truly bad and the pain from the growth.
-who believes in dreams and working on yourself and your goals even once you have achieved them...for only dreams keep us alive...
i am truly happy at this moment in time. mostly because i know that even if i am not exactly where i want to be, i can move myself forward with my own strength pushing me forward and my loved ones blowing backup in my sails.
cheese, i know. but that's me. take it or leave it.
-who cries openly: free of all inhibitions...if i am moved- sadness, happiness, goosebumps displayed fully to the world, i will cry.
-who loves animals: my animals are my people, my dog (who someone FINALLY told me today "she looks just like you, its something in the eyes"), my cat (who is staying at my dougie's house until a door is put on my new bedroom-different story), my fish (i never would have believed i could love fish, but here i am, in love with them and their very distinct personalities), my housemates's little dogs (lulu- who thinks she is my annabelle's sidekick- whom i love to watch explore the outdoors because she is so tiny in comparison to the world around her but who despite this, explores confidently and with vigor) and george (who idolizes little ollie but at the same time is concerned he may squash him)
-who cares for her friends so greatly i sometime cannot sleep at night worrying about their happiness... because, in turn, i am sure they do the same for me...
-who loves to laugh: snorting being my favorite (because if you make me snort, you are forever my friend), through tears (my second favorite...because i am an optimist, even when times are at the worst level of horrific, if you make me laugh through tears, you have uncovered the key to my being)
- who loves to be fantastically silly (ask anyone- i will dance a jig or make up a song just to make myself laugh hysterically...which i do quite frequently..no, really. if you know me, you know this)
- who believes in love- for everyone (if you believe hard enough, it will land in your lap and you will wonder years later "how did i get here?"
-who believes good things happen to bad people for a while, but if you keep moving forward and keep growing it will get better...or at least it will be easier to distinguish the good from the truly bad and the pain from the growth.
-who believes in dreams and working on yourself and your goals even once you have achieved them...for only dreams keep us alive...
i am truly happy at this moment in time. mostly because i know that even if i am not exactly where i want to be, i can move myself forward with my own strength pushing me forward and my loved ones blowing backup in my sails.
cheese, i know. but that's me. take it or leave it.
Monday, April 10, 2006
I hear you and I know.
The time spent over the last few days was one of great emotion, reflection and warmth. I just returned from a trip to my best friend's wedding. I can't believe Aline is now married! it was, quite possibly, the most poignantly beautiful wedding I have ever attended or participated in. The weekend started with my first massage ever on Thursday. The bridesmaids and I went to a spa in Austin and had a steam and a 1 hour massage each. Despite my previous apprehensions of having a stranger intimately touching me, I thoroughly enjoyed it. I have never been as relaxed and comfortable with my body as I was during and afterwards. I may be a little late on this little self indulgence, but if you haven't had a massage yourself, I would suggest treating yourself at your earliest opportunity! I know I am now completely addicted and will be spending all my extra income on massages.
Thursday night we met up with a large group of the groom's college buddies. Steve has been in pretty close contact with about 30 of his college friends for 30 years or so (did you find yourself doing the math? yes, Steve is a bit older than Aline). Dinner was fantastic and afterwards we all went to a rooftop bar to have drinks. I truly enjoyed meeting all of his friends and felt completely at home almost immediately. Hopefully this won't sound completely trashy, but in case you didn't know, older men won't let a woman pay for anything...also, the conversations are incredibly stimulating! Many of the wives were in attendance as well, and were exceptionally welcoming and impressive!
Friday was very busy but I was able to start the day off at the pool of my campy little motel right in the heart of the S. Congress area a few blocks from Town Lake and downtown...then I did a little shopping along S. Congress outside my motel. Being in Austin again made me realize how much I miss living in a pedestrian friendly city. The area is so funky and vibrant...with plenty of shops, coffee houses, bars and restaurants all along the street. Later in the day we had rehearsal and then a very intimate rehearsal dinner. I can say dinner was pretty intense because of the amount of love and warmth in the room. Steve and Aline welcomed us all by saying the rehearsal dinner was for their closest family and friends. Steve, who is not afraid of showing his emotions at all, made a speech about how marriage, friendships and family relationships are about love, passion, and sharing. Most importantly, he said, marriage is about having someone who is witness to your life...the good, the bad, faults and all. It's about having someone there who chooses to accept everything about you and who respects your views, goals and your love enough to work through difficulties and challenges. I don't think there was a dry eye in the room for about an hour and a half. Aline's parents, whom I respect and care for greatly, were celebrating their 33rd anniversary and it made the celebration that much more special.
Saturday was the wedding day...and again it was very moving. The entire wedding was gorgeous and loving...very special and I was honored to be a part of this day with them. I am pretty sure I have never been witness to a more heartfelt union. They were married by the same priest who had married Aline's parents 33 years prior.
Aline and Steve make perfect sense. You can see it in the way they look at each other, how they listen and respect one another, how they WANT to speak to one another, how they treat those around them and finally, how they make those around them feel honored. The entire weekend made me think about what it means to have people in your life who will be there no matter what..and how important it is to not only communicate with them frequently, but to make sure you listen completely.
As Aline said to Steve, "I hear you, and I know."
Thursday night we met up with a large group of the groom's college buddies. Steve has been in pretty close contact with about 30 of his college friends for 30 years or so (did you find yourself doing the math? yes, Steve is a bit older than Aline). Dinner was fantastic and afterwards we all went to a rooftop bar to have drinks. I truly enjoyed meeting all of his friends and felt completely at home almost immediately. Hopefully this won't sound completely trashy, but in case you didn't know, older men won't let a woman pay for anything...also, the conversations are incredibly stimulating! Many of the wives were in attendance as well, and were exceptionally welcoming and impressive!
Friday was very busy but I was able to start the day off at the pool of my campy little motel right in the heart of the S. Congress area a few blocks from Town Lake and downtown...then I did a little shopping along S. Congress outside my motel. Being in Austin again made me realize how much I miss living in a pedestrian friendly city. The area is so funky and vibrant...with plenty of shops, coffee houses, bars and restaurants all along the street. Later in the day we had rehearsal and then a very intimate rehearsal dinner. I can say dinner was pretty intense because of the amount of love and warmth in the room. Steve and Aline welcomed us all by saying the rehearsal dinner was for their closest family and friends. Steve, who is not afraid of showing his emotions at all, made a speech about how marriage, friendships and family relationships are about love, passion, and sharing. Most importantly, he said, marriage is about having someone who is witness to your life...the good, the bad, faults and all. It's about having someone there who chooses to accept everything about you and who respects your views, goals and your love enough to work through difficulties and challenges. I don't think there was a dry eye in the room for about an hour and a half. Aline's parents, whom I respect and care for greatly, were celebrating their 33rd anniversary and it made the celebration that much more special.
Saturday was the wedding day...and again it was very moving. The entire wedding was gorgeous and loving...very special and I was honored to be a part of this day with them. I am pretty sure I have never been witness to a more heartfelt union. They were married by the same priest who had married Aline's parents 33 years prior.
Aline and Steve make perfect sense. You can see it in the way they look at each other, how they listen and respect one another, how they WANT to speak to one another, how they treat those around them and finally, how they make those around them feel honored. The entire weekend made me think about what it means to have people in your life who will be there no matter what..and how important it is to not only communicate with them frequently, but to make sure you listen completely.
As Aline said to Steve, "I hear you, and I know."
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