I can't seem to get this poem out of my head...true love.... if you are lucky enough to find it...Can't live without them...love.........
Bypass
When they cracked open your chest, parting
the flesh at the sternum and sawing
right through your ribs, we'd been married
only five weeks. I had not yet kissed
into memory those places they raided
to save your life. I could only wait
outside, in the public lobby
of private nightmares
while they pried you apart, stopped
your heart's beating, and iced you
down. For seven hours a machine
breathed for you, in and out. God,
seeing you naked in ICU minutes
after the surgery ... your torso swabbed
a hideous antiseptic yellow
around a raw black ladder of stitches
and dried blood. Still unconscious,
you did the death rattle on the gurney.
"His body is trying to warm itself up,"
they explained, to comfort me.
by Susan Kelly-DeWitt
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
Bypass
I can't seem to get this poem out of my head...true love.... if you are lucky enough to find it...Can't live without them...love.........
Bypass
When they cracked open your chest, parting
the flesh at the sternum and sawing
right through your ribs, we'd been married
only five weeks. I had not yet kissed
into memory those places they raided
to save your life. I could only wait
outside, in the public lobby
of private nightmares
while they pried you apart, stopped
your heart's beating, and iced you
down. For seven hours a machine
breathed for you, in and out. God,
seeing you naked in ICU minutes
after the surgery ... your torso swabbed
a hideous antiseptic yellow
around a raw black ladder of stitches
and dried blood. Still unconscious,
you did the death rattle on the gurney.
"His body is trying to warm itself up,"
they explained, to comfort me.
by Susan Kelly-DeWitt
Bypass
When they cracked open your chest, parting
the flesh at the sternum and sawing
right through your ribs, we'd been married
only five weeks. I had not yet kissed
into memory those places they raided
to save your life. I could only wait
outside, in the public lobby
of private nightmares
while they pried you apart, stopped
your heart's beating, and iced you
down. For seven hours a machine
breathed for you, in and out. God,
seeing you naked in ICU minutes
after the surgery ... your torso swabbed
a hideous antiseptic yellow
around a raw black ladder of stitches
and dried blood. Still unconscious,
you did the death rattle on the gurney.
"His body is trying to warm itself up,"
they explained, to comfort me.
by Susan Kelly-DeWitt
Sunday, November 5, 2006
Nigiri.
my nigiri was dead when i came home tonight. how can someone be sad about a fish dying? well, i will just tell you, i am sad. nigiri was a character, i have had him for over a year now... and i will miss him dearly.
i have nothing else to say.
i have nothing else to say.
Friday, November 3, 2006
a not so tiny piece.
What does it mean when you can't seem to leave behind the little piece of you inadvertently left behind. You can't take it back. Does it even belong to you anymore? Was it ever yours to begin with? Once it's mixed with the receivers' perceptions, you can't take it back and you are left wondering if it ever belonged to you in the first place.
Monday, October 9, 2006
we sleuthed!
there is so very much going on right now and i haven't posted in a while...so, this may be choppy, it may be slightly um, blah, blah, blah...but for the few of my good friends who read this..it will kind of get you up to date on the life of me.
-let's see. good things first. our dryer broke. (well, that's not the good part..wait for it, wait for it...) so, i had clothes in the wash when it decided not to blow or spin or do anything, for that matter. good thing we have a clothes line out back. when is the last time you actually hung some clothes out to dry on a wash line? for some reason jill even had some old school wooden clothes pins. it was so very cathartic...the whole process, basket of wet towels on the hip, the sun, the smells...i am pretty excited about this. i may just hang dry everything from now on. it gave me time to reflect on my week..on my month, on where i am and where i am going and what i want. more about this later.
-yesterday was a fantastic day. we spent the morning out on our back porch (slab!). coffee, magazines, music, friends, dogs running about, finding squash on the fence-line from our neighbors garden, more coffee. what a great way to spend a sunday morning. we must have sat out back for at least 3 hours...and the proof is in the little bit of sunburn on my nose, arms and chest. lovely, lovely day.
-one of my profs is an architect. last week he told the class he would rather hire a B student than an A student every time. And why? Because a B student shows they believe in a balance of life and career. I realized I have been trying to be both. The A student with balance. And, it's not working. I barely have time to have a social life. And if i do have a social life, I regret it when it comes time to cram in my homework the day before it is due. And then the homework is sub-par. So, today I decided to drop a class. It is an elective, so I don't really need it to graduate...but the class is for a computer program that is very useful in 3-D modeling. The only problem is the program really seems very counterintuitive. I picked up AutoCAD quicker. (and believe me, AutoCAD is a bitch to learn). Anyhow, I dropped it. Now I have more time to do things I need to do...like hanging laundry out to dry...walking to bongo for coffee and conversation...sitting in my back yard with my little annabelle and lulu...talking to my jillybean...and generally time to just "be".
-on another positive note, i have been doing very well with the quitting smoking business. i have had a cigarette here or there, but literally, i light one, then hand it off to someone or put it out. It's been fairly easy so far. We'll see what happens. Wish me luck.
-the entire myspace "top friends" thing is silly. i never really paid much attention to the number (like .. 1 friend). if you are in my top friends its either because i love you, or its because i find you interesting, or its because i want to know you better, or just because i find you to be intriguing. i normally don't pay attention to what .. i have someone listed...if you are offended by this, sorry...if you find it strange you are in there, well...good. everyone should enjoy a little strangeness every once in a while.
-this is a redundant question..why do people find me to be strange? why do some people not get me? i know i say what i think, i know i say what i feel. i know sometimes i say more than i should. but i don't believe in hiding my feelings...i believe life is short. (trite, yes...but it is damn true!) i also believe people play games when they are really just scared to say the truth. what's wrong with saying " i want to get to know you" or "you know what, you aren't for me." NOTHING is wrong with speaking the truth. and the problems come in when people play games. leaving out part of the truth, ignoring someone to "punish" them. this isn't all from experience and it doesn't pertain to anyone in particular...just stuff i have been thinking about lately.
enough. i'll end with:
i love my house. i love my friends, new and old. i love my annabelle and jill's lulu.
i wish for more days like yesterday...and clear, gorgeous skies. i wish for truth and honesty and i wish for love for all my people.
m
-let's see. good things first. our dryer broke. (well, that's not the good part..wait for it, wait for it...) so, i had clothes in the wash when it decided not to blow or spin or do anything, for that matter. good thing we have a clothes line out back. when is the last time you actually hung some clothes out to dry on a wash line? for some reason jill even had some old school wooden clothes pins. it was so very cathartic...the whole process, basket of wet towels on the hip, the sun, the smells...i am pretty excited about this. i may just hang dry everything from now on. it gave me time to reflect on my week..on my month, on where i am and where i am going and what i want. more about this later.
-yesterday was a fantastic day. we spent the morning out on our back porch (slab!). coffee, magazines, music, friends, dogs running about, finding squash on the fence-line from our neighbors garden, more coffee. what a great way to spend a sunday morning. we must have sat out back for at least 3 hours...and the proof is in the little bit of sunburn on my nose, arms and chest. lovely, lovely day.
-one of my profs is an architect. last week he told the class he would rather hire a B student than an A student every time. And why? Because a B student shows they believe in a balance of life and career. I realized I have been trying to be both. The A student with balance. And, it's not working. I barely have time to have a social life. And if i do have a social life, I regret it when it comes time to cram in my homework the day before it is due. And then the homework is sub-par. So, today I decided to drop a class. It is an elective, so I don't really need it to graduate...but the class is for a computer program that is very useful in 3-D modeling. The only problem is the program really seems very counterintuitive. I picked up AutoCAD quicker. (and believe me, AutoCAD is a bitch to learn). Anyhow, I dropped it. Now I have more time to do things I need to do...like hanging laundry out to dry...walking to bongo for coffee and conversation...sitting in my back yard with my little annabelle and lulu...talking to my jillybean...and generally time to just "be".
-on another positive note, i have been doing very well with the quitting smoking business. i have had a cigarette here or there, but literally, i light one, then hand it off to someone or put it out. It's been fairly easy so far. We'll see what happens. Wish me luck.
-the entire myspace "top friends" thing is silly. i never really paid much attention to the number (like .. 1 friend). if you are in my top friends its either because i love you, or its because i find you interesting, or its because i want to know you better, or just because i find you to be intriguing. i normally don't pay attention to what .. i have someone listed...if you are offended by this, sorry...if you find it strange you are in there, well...good. everyone should enjoy a little strangeness every once in a while.
-this is a redundant question..why do people find me to be strange? why do some people not get me? i know i say what i think, i know i say what i feel. i know sometimes i say more than i should. but i don't believe in hiding my feelings...i believe life is short. (trite, yes...but it is damn true!) i also believe people play games when they are really just scared to say the truth. what's wrong with saying " i want to get to know you" or "you know what, you aren't for me." NOTHING is wrong with speaking the truth. and the problems come in when people play games. leaving out part of the truth, ignoring someone to "punish" them. this isn't all from experience and it doesn't pertain to anyone in particular...just stuff i have been thinking about lately.
enough. i'll end with:
i love my house. i love my friends, new and old. i love my annabelle and jill's lulu.
i wish for more days like yesterday...and clear, gorgeous skies. i wish for truth and honesty and i wish for love for all my people.
m
Thursday, September 28, 2006
peaty...
this time of the year is always my favorite. i love when the air begins it's slow southern descent into fall. i love when the sky is slightly black to the east and clear as day to the west...when the cold front makes its way on in to our little part of the world. i was sitting on my porch and knew exactly what was missing. i grabbed my car keys, jumped in the car and headed to the liquor store. i am sitting now with a nice glass of peaty islay single malt scotch.
ladies and gentlemen, fall has arrived.
cheers!
ladies and gentlemen, fall has arrived.
cheers!
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
The incomparable Mr. Cohen...
You Have the Lovers
Leonard Cohen
You have the lovers,
they are nameless, their histories only for each other,
and you have the room, the bed, and the windows.
Pretend it is a ritual.
Unfurl the bed, bury the lovers, blacken the windows,
let them live in that house for a generation or two.
No one dares disturb them.
Visitors in the corridor tip-toe past the long closed door,
they listen for sounds, for a moan, for a song:
nothing is heard, not even breathing.
You know they are not dead,
you can feel the presence of their intense love.
Your children grow up, they leave you,
they have become soldiers and riders.
Your mate dies after a life of service.
Who knows you? Who remembers you?
But in your house a ritual is in progress:
It is not finished: it needs more people.
One day the door is opened to the lover's chamber.
The room has become a dense garden,
full of colours, smells, sounds you have never known.
The bed is smooth as a wafer of sunlight,
in the midst of the garden it stands alone.
In the bed the lovers, slowly and deliberately and silently,
perform the act of love.
Their eyes are closed,
as tightly as if heavy coins of flesh lay on them.
Their lips are bruised with new and old bruises.
Her hair and his beard are hopelessly tangled.
When he puts his mouth against her shoulder
she is uncertain whether her shoulder
has given or received the kiss.
All her flesh is like a mouth.
He carries his fingers along her waist
and feels his own waist caressed.
She holds him closer and his own arms tighten around her.
She kisses the hand besider her mouth.
It is his hand or her hand, it hardly matters,
there are so many more kisses.
You stand beside the bed, weeping with happiness,
you carefully peel away the sheets
from the slow-moving bodies.
Your eyes filled with tears, you barely make out the lovers,
As you undress you sing out, and your voice is magnificent
because now you believe it is the first human voice
heard in that room.
The garments you let fall grow into vines.
You climb into bed and recover the flesh.
You close your eyes and allow them to be sewn shut.
You create an embrace and fall into it.
There is only one moment of pain or doubt
as you wonder how many multitudes are lying beside your body,
but a mouth kisses and a hand soothes the moment away.
Leonard Cohen
You have the lovers,
they are nameless, their histories only for each other,
and you have the room, the bed, and the windows.
Pretend it is a ritual.
Unfurl the bed, bury the lovers, blacken the windows,
let them live in that house for a generation or two.
No one dares disturb them.
Visitors in the corridor tip-toe past the long closed door,
they listen for sounds, for a moan, for a song:
nothing is heard, not even breathing.
You know they are not dead,
you can feel the presence of their intense love.
Your children grow up, they leave you,
they have become soldiers and riders.
Your mate dies after a life of service.
Who knows you? Who remembers you?
But in your house a ritual is in progress:
It is not finished: it needs more people.
One day the door is opened to the lover's chamber.
The room has become a dense garden,
full of colours, smells, sounds you have never known.
The bed is smooth as a wafer of sunlight,
in the midst of the garden it stands alone.
In the bed the lovers, slowly and deliberately and silently,
perform the act of love.
Their eyes are closed,
as tightly as if heavy coins of flesh lay on them.
Their lips are bruised with new and old bruises.
Her hair and his beard are hopelessly tangled.
When he puts his mouth against her shoulder
she is uncertain whether her shoulder
has given or received the kiss.
All her flesh is like a mouth.
He carries his fingers along her waist
and feels his own waist caressed.
She holds him closer and his own arms tighten around her.
She kisses the hand besider her mouth.
It is his hand or her hand, it hardly matters,
there are so many more kisses.
You stand beside the bed, weeping with happiness,
you carefully peel away the sheets
from the slow-moving bodies.
Your eyes filled with tears, you barely make out the lovers,
As you undress you sing out, and your voice is magnificent
because now you believe it is the first human voice
heard in that room.
The garments you let fall grow into vines.
You climb into bed and recover the flesh.
You close your eyes and allow them to be sewn shut.
You create an embrace and fall into it.
There is only one moment of pain or doubt
as you wonder how many multitudes are lying beside your body,
but a mouth kisses and a hand soothes the moment away.
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