this time of the year is always my favorite. i love when the air begins it's slow southern descent into fall. i love when the sky is slightly black to the east and clear as day to the west...when the cold front makes its way on in to our little part of the world. i was sitting on my porch and knew exactly what was missing. i grabbed my car keys, jumped in the car and headed to the liquor store. i am sitting now with a nice glass of peaty islay single malt scotch.
ladies and gentlemen, fall has arrived.
cheers!
Thursday, September 28, 2006
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
The incomparable Mr. Cohen...
You Have the Lovers
Leonard Cohen
You have the lovers,
they are nameless, their histories only for each other,
and you have the room, the bed, and the windows.
Pretend it is a ritual.
Unfurl the bed, bury the lovers, blacken the windows,
let them live in that house for a generation or two.
No one dares disturb them.
Visitors in the corridor tip-toe past the long closed door,
they listen for sounds, for a moan, for a song:
nothing is heard, not even breathing.
You know they are not dead,
you can feel the presence of their intense love.
Your children grow up, they leave you,
they have become soldiers and riders.
Your mate dies after a life of service.
Who knows you? Who remembers you?
But in your house a ritual is in progress:
It is not finished: it needs more people.
One day the door is opened to the lover's chamber.
The room has become a dense garden,
full of colours, smells, sounds you have never known.
The bed is smooth as a wafer of sunlight,
in the midst of the garden it stands alone.
In the bed the lovers, slowly and deliberately and silently,
perform the act of love.
Their eyes are closed,
as tightly as if heavy coins of flesh lay on them.
Their lips are bruised with new and old bruises.
Her hair and his beard are hopelessly tangled.
When he puts his mouth against her shoulder
she is uncertain whether her shoulder
has given or received the kiss.
All her flesh is like a mouth.
He carries his fingers along her waist
and feels his own waist caressed.
She holds him closer and his own arms tighten around her.
She kisses the hand besider her mouth.
It is his hand or her hand, it hardly matters,
there are so many more kisses.
You stand beside the bed, weeping with happiness,
you carefully peel away the sheets
from the slow-moving bodies.
Your eyes filled with tears, you barely make out the lovers,
As you undress you sing out, and your voice is magnificent
because now you believe it is the first human voice
heard in that room.
The garments you let fall grow into vines.
You climb into bed and recover the flesh.
You close your eyes and allow them to be sewn shut.
You create an embrace and fall into it.
There is only one moment of pain or doubt
as you wonder how many multitudes are lying beside your body,
but a mouth kisses and a hand soothes the moment away.
Leonard Cohen
You have the lovers,
they are nameless, their histories only for each other,
and you have the room, the bed, and the windows.
Pretend it is a ritual.
Unfurl the bed, bury the lovers, blacken the windows,
let them live in that house for a generation or two.
No one dares disturb them.
Visitors in the corridor tip-toe past the long closed door,
they listen for sounds, for a moan, for a song:
nothing is heard, not even breathing.
You know they are not dead,
you can feel the presence of their intense love.
Your children grow up, they leave you,
they have become soldiers and riders.
Your mate dies after a life of service.
Who knows you? Who remembers you?
But in your house a ritual is in progress:
It is not finished: it needs more people.
One day the door is opened to the lover's chamber.
The room has become a dense garden,
full of colours, smells, sounds you have never known.
The bed is smooth as a wafer of sunlight,
in the midst of the garden it stands alone.
In the bed the lovers, slowly and deliberately and silently,
perform the act of love.
Their eyes are closed,
as tightly as if heavy coins of flesh lay on them.
Their lips are bruised with new and old bruises.
Her hair and his beard are hopelessly tangled.
When he puts his mouth against her shoulder
she is uncertain whether her shoulder
has given or received the kiss.
All her flesh is like a mouth.
He carries his fingers along her waist
and feels his own waist caressed.
She holds him closer and his own arms tighten around her.
She kisses the hand besider her mouth.
It is his hand or her hand, it hardly matters,
there are so many more kisses.
You stand beside the bed, weeping with happiness,
you carefully peel away the sheets
from the slow-moving bodies.
Your eyes filled with tears, you barely make out the lovers,
As you undress you sing out, and your voice is magnificent
because now you believe it is the first human voice
heard in that room.
The garments you let fall grow into vines.
You climb into bed and recover the flesh.
You close your eyes and allow them to be sewn shut.
You create an embrace and fall into it.
There is only one moment of pain or doubt
as you wonder how many multitudes are lying beside your body,
but a mouth kisses and a hand soothes the moment away.
Sunday, August 13, 2006
enough.
Current mood: savage
so, every weekend we go to the alleycat or to 3crow, or to red door east. you know it, you've seen us all there. it's pretty easy to find me and my people.
i am so bored. i love my friends, yes, but if i don't get away from the east side trilogy i might end up maiming myself just to break up the monotony.
and alleycat on saturdays? don't act like you don't know...it is the 30-somethings singles bar. and yet i go (even though i am NOT single but because this is where my single friends want to go), EVERY weekend. i love you all, but can we maybe go somewhere else to do this? not every weekend, just every other weekend? how about dinner? does anyone want to go have dinner? how about bowling? roller skating? darts? go cart racing? jazz club? tennis? the mall?
this blog and plea will go down in flames, i know it. but it just had to be said.
oh ya, and ps. i hate freedom.
so, every weekend we go to the alleycat or to 3crow, or to red door east. you know it, you've seen us all there. it's pretty easy to find me and my people.
i am so bored. i love my friends, yes, but if i don't get away from the east side trilogy i might end up maiming myself just to break up the monotony.
and alleycat on saturdays? don't act like you don't know...it is the 30-somethings singles bar. and yet i go (even though i am NOT single but because this is where my single friends want to go), EVERY weekend. i love you all, but can we maybe go somewhere else to do this? not every weekend, just every other weekend? how about dinner? does anyone want to go have dinner? how about bowling? roller skating? darts? go cart racing? jazz club? tennis? the mall?
this blog and plea will go down in flames, i know it. but it just had to be said.
oh ya, and ps. i hate freedom.
Thursday, August 3, 2006
Townes.
for about a year and a half, i fell asleep every night listening to townes van zandt. every once in a while i revisit this time period in daydreams laced in fond nostalgia. i think this house i have moved into brings it all back...something about having a room of my own and the little noises of the people i love just outside my bedroom door as i sleep.
this house feels good. it did the second jill and i stepped into it. i sleep soundly, and more than anything, i want to be AT HOME. we play silly games with oliie, we chase him and the doggies all around the house. we invite people over for dinner, we drink wine, we drink cheap and fancy beer and one of us even does really bad tequila shots and regrets it the next day (not me, i have a very sophisticated palette for tequila). this house is a place to be with friends.
our porch....our porch is a little haven...a place where we can recap the day, laugh at each other while we play dirty mad-libs, a place for serious conversations or a place to just "be".
my house in austin was the same way. i don't remember a day when the house ever felt lonely despite many nights of me actually spending time alone. the house always echoed with memories of friends, lovers and family. deciding to move from the house in austin was predetermined by fate. everyone who lived there, aline, chenoa and i; pretty much decided at the same time that it was right to move on. i was given the opportunity to move to nashville for a job i am no longer with (completely different blog, but it got me here didn't it?), aline was needing to live alone to become the married lady she is today, and chenoa...now, chenoa was a free spirit (could you tell by the name?) and to this day i am not quite sure where she is. i hope wherever she is, she is healthy and happy.
i am very aware of my profound nostalgia for austin lately. it's the heat, it's this house, it's finally feeling like i have a family here....i love my people.
the buddhist believe- small little reminders or so-called coincidences let you know you are on the right path. maybe my nostalgia for townes and for austin just means i am on the right path...because my time in austin was just so right.
this house, as well, just feels right and i hope we never have to move. but its inevitable. yes?
this house feels good. it did the second jill and i stepped into it. i sleep soundly, and more than anything, i want to be AT HOME. we play silly games with oliie, we chase him and the doggies all around the house. we invite people over for dinner, we drink wine, we drink cheap and fancy beer and one of us even does really bad tequila shots and regrets it the next day (not me, i have a very sophisticated palette for tequila). this house is a place to be with friends.
our porch....our porch is a little haven...a place where we can recap the day, laugh at each other while we play dirty mad-libs, a place for serious conversations or a place to just "be".
my house in austin was the same way. i don't remember a day when the house ever felt lonely despite many nights of me actually spending time alone. the house always echoed with memories of friends, lovers and family. deciding to move from the house in austin was predetermined by fate. everyone who lived there, aline, chenoa and i; pretty much decided at the same time that it was right to move on. i was given the opportunity to move to nashville for a job i am no longer with (completely different blog, but it got me here didn't it?), aline was needing to live alone to become the married lady she is today, and chenoa...now, chenoa was a free spirit (could you tell by the name?) and to this day i am not quite sure where she is. i hope wherever she is, she is healthy and happy.
i am very aware of my profound nostalgia for austin lately. it's the heat, it's this house, it's finally feeling like i have a family here....i love my people.
the buddhist believe- small little reminders or so-called coincidences let you know you are on the right path. maybe my nostalgia for townes and for austin just means i am on the right path...because my time in austin was just so right.
this house, as well, just feels right and i hope we never have to move. but its inevitable. yes?
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
disturbing.
i spent all of last night waking up from a dream where i moved back to austin. sounds terrible right? moving back is something i have thought about off and on the entire 6 years i have lived here...but last night, very clearly in a dream, i realized it is not a possibility. i woke up crying twice and all because i missed my friends and dougie so much it made austin seem like a prison. strange how the mind works.
they say dreams are a playground, a way of working out problems, living your fantasies, dealing with your fears. i know some people who never remember their dreams, its a shame, because if they can't remember, how do they know the answers to the questions their subconscious poses?
they say dreams are a playground, a way of working out problems, living your fantasies, dealing with your fears. i know some people who never remember their dreams, its a shame, because if they can't remember, how do they know the answers to the questions their subconscious poses?
Thursday, July 20, 2006
sultry Austin.
seriously, i don't mind a little perspiration. i don't mind the little glisten that arises on my skin on the walk from the house to the car. what i do mind is the several showers a day, the waste of water, not to mention the water bill at the end of the month. i have honestly become a total and complete wussy (yes, i said wussy). when i lived in texas, the summer heat in austin was palpable. it sunk into your dreams, your nightmares. the heat dictated your days. but, it was expected and little watering holes were the joy of my summer days.
nashville, on the other hand, has no such little holes. no 30 minute dripping wet hike through the hill country of south austin with the reward of a nice dip in finger lakes at the end of the trek. no barton springs, no lake austin. no, sir. what we have here is the muddy slow moving little rivers a la the harpeth. enjoyable, but nowhere near the nice, cool, clear water of austin.
would i change my location again? would i suffer the exaggeratedly hot days of texas summer just for a weekly dip in some cool spring fed water? maybe. maybe not.
so for now, if you see me walking around east nashville and then sitting in a kiddy pool in my front yard, don't wake me up...i am daydreaming of long summer days in austin. beautifully sultry austin.
nashville, on the other hand, has no such little holes. no 30 minute dripping wet hike through the hill country of south austin with the reward of a nice dip in finger lakes at the end of the trek. no barton springs, no lake austin. no, sir. what we have here is the muddy slow moving little rivers a la the harpeth. enjoyable, but nowhere near the nice, cool, clear water of austin.
would i change my location again? would i suffer the exaggeratedly hot days of texas summer just for a weekly dip in some cool spring fed water? maybe. maybe not.
so for now, if you see me walking around east nashville and then sitting in a kiddy pool in my front yard, don't wake me up...i am daydreaming of long summer days in austin. beautifully sultry austin.
Friday, July 7, 2006
I am one of those people.
after all these years, i have come to realize, i am one of those people:
-who cries openly: free of all inhibitions...if i am moved- sadness, happiness, goosebumps displayed fully to the world, i will cry.
-who loves animals: my animals are my people, my dog (who someone FINALLY told me today "she looks just like you, its something in the eyes"), my cat (who is staying at my dougie's house until a door is put on my new bedroom-different story), my fish (i never would have believed i could love fish, but here i am, in love with them and their very distinct personalities), my housemates's little dogs (lulu- who thinks she is my annabelle's sidekick- whom i love to watch explore the outdoors because she is so tiny in comparison to the world around her but who despite this, explores confidently and with vigor) and george (who idolizes little ollie but at the same time is concerned he may squash him)
-who cares for her friends so greatly i sometime cannot sleep at night worrying about their happiness... because, in turn, i am sure they do the same for me...
-who loves to laugh: snorting being my favorite (because if you make me snort, you are forever my friend), through tears (my second favorite...because i am an optimist, even when times are at the worst level of horrific, if you make me laugh through tears, you have uncovered the key to my being)
- who loves to be fantastically silly (ask anyone- i will dance a jig or make up a song just to make myself laugh hysterically...which i do quite frequently..no, really. if you know me, you know this)
- who believes in love- for everyone (if you believe hard enough, it will land in your lap and you will wonder years later "how did i get here?"
-who believes good things happen to bad people for a while, but if you keep moving forward and keep growing it will get better...or at least it will be easier to distinguish the good from the truly bad and the pain from the growth.
-who believes in dreams and working on yourself and your goals even once you have achieved them...for only dreams keep us alive...
i am truly happy at this moment in time. mostly because i know that even if i am not exactly where i want to be, i can move myself forward with my own strength pushing me forward and my loved ones blowing backup in my sails.
cheese, i know. but that's me. take it or leave it.
-who cries openly: free of all inhibitions...if i am moved- sadness, happiness, goosebumps displayed fully to the world, i will cry.
-who loves animals: my animals are my people, my dog (who someone FINALLY told me today "she looks just like you, its something in the eyes"), my cat (who is staying at my dougie's house until a door is put on my new bedroom-different story), my fish (i never would have believed i could love fish, but here i am, in love with them and their very distinct personalities), my housemates's little dogs (lulu- who thinks she is my annabelle's sidekick- whom i love to watch explore the outdoors because she is so tiny in comparison to the world around her but who despite this, explores confidently and with vigor) and george (who idolizes little ollie but at the same time is concerned he may squash him)
-who cares for her friends so greatly i sometime cannot sleep at night worrying about their happiness... because, in turn, i am sure they do the same for me...
-who loves to laugh: snorting being my favorite (because if you make me snort, you are forever my friend), through tears (my second favorite...because i am an optimist, even when times are at the worst level of horrific, if you make me laugh through tears, you have uncovered the key to my being)
- who loves to be fantastically silly (ask anyone- i will dance a jig or make up a song just to make myself laugh hysterically...which i do quite frequently..no, really. if you know me, you know this)
- who believes in love- for everyone (if you believe hard enough, it will land in your lap and you will wonder years later "how did i get here?"
-who believes good things happen to bad people for a while, but if you keep moving forward and keep growing it will get better...or at least it will be easier to distinguish the good from the truly bad and the pain from the growth.
-who believes in dreams and working on yourself and your goals even once you have achieved them...for only dreams keep us alive...
i am truly happy at this moment in time. mostly because i know that even if i am not exactly where i want to be, i can move myself forward with my own strength pushing me forward and my loved ones blowing backup in my sails.
cheese, i know. but that's me. take it or leave it.
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